"What a wonderful surprise!" Dr. Goodguess exclaimed. "My greatest regret in life is that I didn't learn to read with Whole Language. As you undoubtedly know," he said, "I 'mainstreamed' that philosophy of reading into nearly every classroom in the English-speaking world."

"Your wish is granted," responded the Gatekeeper. "From this moment on, you will find that your brain has been altered. Now you will read the Whole Language way."

"However, you must travel down the path you see before you for a short distance. There you will find a fork in the road. There are signs that clearly mark the path. One path leads to Perdition, the other to Paradise. Choose carefully, because once you have chosen a path to travel you can never turn back. Dr. Goodguess frowned, a look of worry crossing his brow. "What if I can't read the sign" he asked anxiously, "This is a life or death matter." Oh, don't worry," responded the Gatekeeper, "the paths are clearly marked."

Dr. Goodguess marched off confidently until he reached the fork in the road. The left fork was marked with a sign that said: "PERDITION." The road to the right said: "PARADISE."

As he stood there, a look of puzzlement, and then worry spread over his face. He scratched his head and thought, "They both start with 'P' but I'm not sure what they say; NOW what do I do? "I've always been a risk-taker, but this is a frightfully important decision. I cannot make a mistake."

Scene 2
Just then, another founder of Whole Language, Dr. Sampler, died and stood before the Gatekeeper. "The hallmark of my life," he told the Gatekeeper with pride, "was the widespread influence my theories have had on reading instruction. I only wish I had actually learned to read in a manner consistent with my theories: you know .... NATURALLY.... without having to be forced to learn those low level phonics sub-skills."

His wish was immediately granted, and in a moment he joined Dr. Goodguess at the fork in the road.

"Thank goodness you're here Dr. Sampler, " exclaimed Dr. Goodguess. "I am in dire need of some co-operative learning."

"Why, Dr. Goodguess, what is the matter? You look very distraught! What has happened to your self-esteem?"

"Well, Dr. Sampler, it's these damn, (then looking around furtively), er ah, darn words-in-isolation. You'd think there would be at least one picture clue somewhere?!

"Hmmm, I see what you mean, Dr. Goodguess. Oh, no! Both signs have words that start with the same letter, and the words are about the same length. By the way, are you sure what that first letter is?"

"That's a 'P', Dr. Sampler! Didn't you ever watch Sesame Street with your kids?"

Scene 3
As they stood pondering their dilemma, the earthly life of a College Professor of Education came to an end. As Professor Indoctrinate stood before the Gatekeeper, she stated a rather high degree of confidence: "I have been completely happy with my earthly life. The life of a tenured professor, with the academic freedom that it brings, was near perfect bliss. I wouldn't have changed a thing."

"So be it," said the Gate Keeper, "But I'm afraid the fork in the road up ahead is becoming choked with people. Perhaps you can help them by bringing this "context clue" to help them decide which path to take. With that the Gatekeeper gave her a sign that said: PANDEMONIUM*. Take this clue with you and place it at the left fork in the path, beside the sign marked "PERDITION". Do you understand? Certainly," said Dr. Indoctrinate, and she did as she as she was asked."

Needless to say, Drs. Goodguess and Sampler were delighted to see help coming, but they were immediately confounded when they found themselves with yet another 'P' word that was nearly the same length as the other two.

Without hesitation, Professor Indoctrinate, unwilling to provide them with any phonics information due to her thorough disdain for such "lower order subskills," encouraged Drs. Goodguess and Sampler to use the Whole Language cueing systems they all knew so well. In an attempt to reassure them she said: "Don't be upset if you can't read the signs just yet. After all, reading is developmental. In time it will all begin to click, maybe next year or the year after." (Neither of the good Drs. thought this was at all funny!)

Now they knew they were in need of a 'real' reading expert, particularly one who had been intensely trained, preferably at Ohio State. So without hesitation, even though their self esteem was becoming badly damaged, Drs. Goodguess and Sampler fell to their knees and began praying loudly. As if on cue, a Reading Recovery teacher appeared on the pathway.

At first, she was a bit intimidated to be in the presence of the Founders of whole language, but then she quickly regained her composure when she remembered that Reading Recovery owed its very existence (in more ways than one) to the theories and strategies taught by these very experts.

"I am sure I need not remind you gentlemen, that comprehension and meaning-making are of primary importance is reading a word you have not seen before. You must just answer the question: "What would make sense here?"

With the path behind them filling up with people impatiently awaiting their turn to pass through the fork, Drs. Goodguess and Sampler cried out in despair even more loudly than before. "What we desperately need is more context!"

Once again their voices rose in prayer.

This time, they heard the soft spoken voice of a child. A little six year-old boy walked up to them, looked at the sign on the right and said with great pride, "I was taught to read with explicit, systematic phonics. I can sound out any word. The sign on the right says 'PARADISE' and that's the way I'm going, and off he went."

Drs. Goodguess and Sampler looked at each other with knowing smirks. Their prayers had been answered. Dr. Goodguess whispered excitedly, "Did you hear that" Now we have context! That little boy sounded out the words; he used explicit systematic phonics to choose what he thought was the path to PARADISE -- he was obviously mistaken. He MUST have taken the road to PERDITION!"

"Quickly now, let's take the other path!"

June1998
Author unknown: let me know if it was you and I will acknowledge your wit! 
CB June 1998

March 2001
Ah! I think I just found the author!
Nice one Cathy Froggatt!  
CB March 2001

Link
Thank you Whole Language

Page updated 13 May 2009

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